Be a Princess
I read a Facebook status the other day that said “Thank you Disney for the unrealistic expectations about love. I am still waiting for my Prince Charming.” As I read that I thought “Huh. That is a little bitter. Sleeping Beauty has never updated her Facebook status using that tone, and I am pretty sure Belle never tweeted with such sarcasm. Look honey, if you really want to get yourself a piece of Prince Charming tail, maybe you should be more like a princess. I know I may lose some points off my “Are you a real feminist?” score on the Facebook quiz, but I think women would serve themselves well to follow the Disney princess role model.” Before you set your bras alight, ladies, read on.
Last night I took my eight-year-old daughter to see Tangled. I make no apologies about seeing and liking Disney princess movies, or exposing my daughter to these modern day icons who people often associate with passive, entitled girls who sit around waiting to be rescued. Come on people – are you even watching these movies? These princesses kick some serious ass. Far from waiting around to be saved, these princesses are often saving the lives of their love interests. Eric would have drowned without Ariel, John Smith would have been killed if Pocahontas had not advocated in his behalf, and it was Rapunzel who used her head (and the hair on it) to get both herself and her man out of a seemingly deadly situation. These princesses prove themselves at every turn – so why all the weak woman P.R.? These girls are taking their destiny into their own hands, maybe it is time that we take a cue from them and stop waiting for something to happen.
“Waiting around for Prince Charming to come” is actually not what the Disney Princesses do. Sure, they may wistfully think of their perfect man and think about the day when their prince will come – but that seems like a reasonable, non-gender-specific goal (though I am waiting for Disney’s first lesbian princess who really bucks the system and gives 1 in 10 little girls someone to identify with). But, these ladies are not simply waiting around. They are educating themselves as Belle does by reading and Pocahontas does by being a student of nature. They are working three jobs to make their dreams come true like Tatiana, the Frog Princess. They are working day and night taking care of a household without complaining, like Cinderella and Snow White. And, from the size of their impossibly small waists, they must all be doing a LOT of pilates. But, waiting around? No, not at all. Rapunzel charts stars in her spare time and Jasmine friends a tiger, for the love of God. These women are busy. It seems to me that before women who are looking for love complain about Prince Charming not showing up, they should think about what they themselves are doing. Are they living out their dreams? Are they standing up for what they feel is right? Are they the person they want to be? If you want someone like Prince Charming – are you someone who could be an equal partner to such a person? Besides, I know the idea of waiting around for the perfect man to show up on a horse as whisk us away is supposed to be something strong women frown on – but, can someone please explain why that is again?
Whining, complaining, self-deprecation, feeling resentful and entitled. These are not things I see any of the princesses doing, but I do see it from a lot of girls looking for Prince Charming. These princesses move through the world with beauty and grace. Little mice put on kerchiefs to help them work. Mice don’t just do that for anyone, you know. The princesses are treated like slaves and prisoners, and several literally have a hit out on them, and they still find a reason to sing and put a bow in their hair. Maybe if prospective princely love targets spent more time enchanting all creatures and appreciating the things they do have, and less time bitching about the real housewives of whatever county and complaining about their thighs, they would find more charming princes, or even just regular men, interested in spending time with them.
The other day at lunch with my girlfriends, I discovered something interesting. We were all discussing our suckiest relationships when we realized that all the crap began at times in our lives when we were at our worst. When we were feeling weak or vulnerable, when we felt trapped by jobs or even just by life, we attracted men who fell short of being the princely best we had hoped for. We all agreed that when we later met our wonderful husbands or partners, it was at a time when we felt strong and empowered. When we least needed saving, we all met our own widely varied versions of Prince Charming.
Maybe, just maybe, the search for love is not about finding the right person, but it is about being the right person. If you want to find Prince Charming, be a princess.
